And the Greatest of These is Love...

I had the opportunity to spend three days with Dr. Gary Chapman last week. I was working as a Coach in North Carolina at Calvary FBC and found it surprising that Gary was at my table. I definitely took the opportunity to allow Gary to coach us when the opportunities arose. Last was a great week to learn and grow with a great group of ministers. 

I gently touched my wife on her shoulder and said, “I love you!” She responded, “I don’t feel loved.” We were in our first month of marriage and I was confused. How can my wife experience a kind touch and hear the words “I love you!” and not feel loved?  I had a lot to learn and am thankful for the grace and patience my wife gave. We were exposed to Gary Chapman’s book on the Five Love Languages when it came out in 1995. Having this new information changed everything for us. We learned that Cheryl’s top two love languages were extended time together and acts of service. My top two love languages were physical touch and verbal affirmation. A huge aha moment for me was learning that we have a tendency to give love the way we want to receive it. Now I understood my wife so much better because I know her love languages. Note: Sometime after ten years of marriage Cheryl made it clear that she appreciates all five love languages given in appropriate doses. 

The Five Love Languages

1. Words of Affirmation - actions don’t always speak louder than words for this person

2. Quality Time - full undivided attention, really being there engaged when you are there

3. Receiving Gifts - don’t mistake this gift for materialism, the receiver appreciates the thoughts, time, and energy behind gift giving

4. Acts of Service - anything done to remove the burden of responsibility 

5. Physical Touch - appropriate and timely touches 

Application: Figure out your top two love languages as well as your family and friends. Fill up with God’s agape love on a regular basis and spill the overflow on those on the natural path of your life. 

Gary was gracious enough to allow me to interview him. Check it out: